I wake up a little late, and shower before going down. Abe makes breakfast. He likes to marble his scrambled eggs. They turn out really good.
12:00 pm or so we start to open presents. I feel strange and hesitant about it - like I could have put off this part of it longer. I'm not sure why. Maybe because Dad struggles in the morning or because the demands from here on out only seem to grow.
Robbie is insecure because they didn't get us much. We start opening presents. Dad really likes his butt-pillow. He's not sure about the video drone. We enjoy going through some memories on the picture blanket I gave him with images of me and Melissa (and Robbie) with him on it. It leaves white fuzzies on his pants, though, so she puts it away. My presents from Mom and Tom make me a little sad. The fur hat I tried on during our last visit. Kahil Gibran from Nana.
The plan is to go to Venice Canals and Robbie will pay for lunch. We decide to do the canals first since we ate late. We're able to find parking directly in front of Baja and the entrance we know best. Dad remembers the last time we were here more was in bloom. It looked more manicured back then. I have his arm as we walk. It's fun to look at the different plants and styles of houses. We pass cute dogs and other people and wish them a Merry Christmas.
He's cracking the funnies. There are lots of people out taking photos. We run into a woman with a cute dog and she offers to take ours. He has the sniffles a lot and two different bandanas a red and blue that he carries with him. His head gets itchy.
He's moving well on the walk. We offer to go back early, but he points to another bridge he wants to go over so we take it and then instead of going back the way we came, we're able to cross it and go back on the other side. He likes the ducks and quacks at them.
We decide to leave the car where it is and walk to the cafe, which isn't accepting more people for lunch. We elect to go to the Whaler and get there by about 3:00 pm. It's loud. We get a table by the bathrooms. There is some confusion about the menu and lots of hubbub about the chowder. Dad tries and seems to like it. It takes us a long time to order and is a somewhat stress-inducing experience.
Abe runs to get the car afterward and we are able to get in easily. I put Bob Marley on to calm everyone's nerves. Dad seems to like it. We're tired when we get back. I think he lays down on the couch for a snooze at some point. Robbie might be a little frustrated at this point. I remember going to him and rubbing/scratching his head then getting him up so he can nap in the bedroom where it's more comfortable. When I get him to lay down he closes his eyes instantly. I tell him I love him.
Abe begins getting dinner ready. A roast. At some point (around 7:30) he leaves to go get his parents. I'm up (I napped as well) and get Dad up or perhaps he's already up. I put Bob Marley on again and Dad and I have a dance in the kitchen. He moves REALLY well. He holds the jambox up to his ear like it's a boom box. Robbie gets a video. It goes on for what feels like a long time. Don't worry about a thing and Three little birds. Let's get together and feel alright. Made me so happy to goof off and also to see him dance again.
12:00 pm or so we start to open presents. I feel strange and hesitant about it - like I could have put off this part of it longer. I'm not sure why. Maybe because Dad struggles in the morning or because the demands from here on out only seem to grow.
Robbie is insecure because they didn't get us much. We start opening presents. Dad really likes his butt-pillow. He's not sure about the video drone. We enjoy going through some memories on the picture blanket I gave him with images of me and Melissa (and Robbie) with him on it. It leaves white fuzzies on his pants, though, so she puts it away. My presents from Mom and Tom make me a little sad. The fur hat I tried on during our last visit. Kahil Gibran from Nana.
The plan is to go to Venice Canals and Robbie will pay for lunch. We decide to do the canals first since we ate late. We're able to find parking directly in front of Baja and the entrance we know best. Dad remembers the last time we were here more was in bloom. It looked more manicured back then. I have his arm as we walk. It's fun to look at the different plants and styles of houses. We pass cute dogs and other people and wish them a Merry Christmas.
He's cracking the funnies. There are lots of people out taking photos. We run into a woman with a cute dog and she offers to take ours. He has the sniffles a lot and two different bandanas a red and blue that he carries with him. His head gets itchy.
He's moving well on the walk. We offer to go back early, but he points to another bridge he wants to go over so we take it and then instead of going back the way we came, we're able to cross it and go back on the other side. He likes the ducks and quacks at them.
We decide to leave the car where it is and walk to the cafe, which isn't accepting more people for lunch. We elect to go to the Whaler and get there by about 3:00 pm. It's loud. We get a table by the bathrooms. There is some confusion about the menu and lots of hubbub about the chowder. Dad tries and seems to like it. It takes us a long time to order and is a somewhat stress-inducing experience.
Abe runs to get the car afterward and we are able to get in easily. I put Bob Marley on to calm everyone's nerves. Dad seems to like it. We're tired when we get back. I think he lays down on the couch for a snooze at some point. Robbie might be a little frustrated at this point. I remember going to him and rubbing/scratching his head then getting him up so he can nap in the bedroom where it's more comfortable. When I get him to lay down he closes his eyes instantly. I tell him I love him.
Abe begins getting dinner ready. A roast. At some point (around 7:30) he leaves to go get his parents. I'm up (I napped as well) and get Dad up or perhaps he's already up. I put Bob Marley on again and Dad and I have a dance in the kitchen. He moves REALLY well. He holds the jambox up to his ear like it's a boom box. Robbie gets a video. It goes on for what feels like a long time. Don't worry about a thing and Three little birds. Let's get together and feel alright. Made me so happy to goof off and also to see him dance again.
I want Robbie to be able to play music for him at home and sign up for the Spotify family plan. We're in the process of downloading it when Abe and his parents walk in.
We have dinner together. Tom and Sue feel like a whirlwind. It's hard to watch them talking to my Dad and I'm instantly frustrated. They want to have normal conversations. Sue talks a lot. My Dad struggles to respond sometimes and by dinner seems to have shut down a bit. This is not how I wanted my birthday to go and I'm getting sad. I didn't clean the bedroom at all for his parents' arrival. I rush to do that now. I have to grab things in a bag to take downstairs. The plan is for me to sleep on the blow-up mattress in my office. And it's my damn birthday and I could really use decent sleep. And his parents' arrival signals to me the beginning of the end of my time with my Dad. I'm having a hard time.
Dinner, which was not great, unfortunately, concludes with lit candles on my chocolate birthday cake. (Dad is still asking about the pumpkin pie we picked up at Ralph's the day before because it looked good to him). We all have slices. A very sweet birthday gift from Tom and Sue and a letter of welcome into the family. Their necklace looks almost exactly like Abe's. Sue dotes on her kids. I get envious.
Later we go to the couch and open gifts and stockings. Dad has trouble with one of the chocolate balls. Playing with the candy canes by putting them behind both ears like earrings. Fidget spinner.
I feel overwhelmed.
When Dad gets up there is a little chocolate left on our cream couch. I'm not bothered by it at all. This time with Dad is so much more important to me. Robbie says "he did that to MY couch as well" and I wanted to strangle her for that.
Robbie cranks the thermostat to 78. It feels like a million degrees in my room.
12/26/17
Dad wakes up and Robbie tries to put him back to bed (I'm across the hall and hear it). He wants to be awake for when I wake up. She tells him he's probably still tired but he resists. She promises she'll wake him up and it's only then that he agrees to go back to bed.
I wake up at 10:30 upset that Abe has neither woken me nor has he fed anyone. My dad has snacked on cheese and crackers. So I immediately, though I'm tired from crying myself to sleep and being angry and uncomfortable in a 90-degree room all night (I even turned off the alarm so I could crack the door) I have to cook for 6 people the moment I get up.
Dad helped me with the corned beef hash.
I decide without a doubt that we are not going to stay at the Airbnb for a bunch of reasons and articulate this to Robbie, who agrees.
A tense conversation on the front porch with Abe where I'm upset because THIS is why I needed him to stick up for me and not just give in to his parents' wants. I SAW THIS moment coming months ago but decided to compromise with him and was regretting it and angry. A call from Elizabeth which is tense.
Crying after Abe and his parents leave after Robbie says the trip is almost over and they'll never come again. Robbie falling off the blow-up mattress and making us both laugh. Dad comes in and the pain is lessened. I can move on. I tell Robbie it wasn't what she said so much as me not being ready for them to leave yet and feeling sad.
3:00 - Going outside for more corn hole and using the gun, blowing up balloons and playing with them. Facetime with Melissa. Watching a little British bakeoff before nap time.
Finding the EE Cummings poem while.
Snacking?
4:30 - We go to Baldwin Hills scenic overlook as the sun is setting and take some great pics. Walking towards the main path we see the crescent moon. He says "the half moon is out - where's the other half? Didn't know I was so deep, did you?" - he was joking. The walk was a little harder than in Venice as the ground was unven and it was chilly out. But the light was amazing. It was the perfect time to take pictures. The landscape was hazy, but it was still nice to be up so high. He joked about people on the trail. A nice person offered to take our picture together. Dad was surprised I'd offer up my phone to a stranger, lol. Some things never change.
But, he's happy. I know when he looks at me that he loves me and is happy to be with me.
We head back slowly. Abe and his parents are on their way back to the house to collect their things. We run into them almost on their way out.
We order pizza and I get mozzarella sticks (he used to like those when I was a kid). Robbie treats.
Some last-minute planning for the wedding. Sent Elizabeth our poem. She likes it and knows it well. We decide we want to say our full names.
The pizza takes a little too long to arrive. Dad is tired. He didn't nap all day. Robbie is trying to pack. Dad and I watch a little more of the baking show. We all agree he should shower tonight in the upstairs shower because it fits two people more easily. They both walk upstairs to check it out. I sell it a little. Dad is tall, the shower head up here is high...
I bring them extra towels.
The food arrives. Robbie notes that it's not hot. We eat and it's fine. Dad likes the sticks. Robbie expects him to give her a hard time and starts to ramp up. She speaks to him like a child and that's part of the problem... But when I tell him I want him to be fresh as a daisy for the wedding tomorrow he gets up and goes immediately to the stairs. We weren't really prepared for him to acquiesce so easily. I give them privacy. No messing around in the shower now you two!!
Abe has dinner with his parents and checks them into the Airbnb. He gets back after Dad has already come downstairs from his shower in his pajamas.
Dad and I have a nerf gun fight in the kitchen before bedtime (he tends to want to horse around before bed). It winds him up a little but Robbie drags him in. He was flirting with her a little and I kidded him - no funny business in there you two!!! He responds with growling hilariously from within the bedroom. Super cute.
12/27
Abe makes breakfast while I shower. His good scrambled eggs (which I start to stir and he chastizes me over). The Herbs de Provence toast is used (doesn't go well with cherry jam lol).
A wanting to take it slow. The realization that I don't really need to get there until 11:30 and that Dad and Robbie could get there even a little later. My Dad finds me in the morning as I'm stepping out of the office (Robbie asked me to print their boarding passes). I give him a big hug and tell him I'm getting married today. He asks me if I'm upset. I say no, I'm happy. He says as long as we love each other. That's what is most important. It was the first of many instances during the day where he checked in with me and let me know he was there for me. I could feel that paternal advice and the comforting. And I told him we're happy and I think we'll be alright.
The dress made it over the previous evening, additional items are taken over including my suitcase and additional dress choices for dinner.
I leave first. Felt instant regret for choosing to let Abe drive my parents over. On the drive, going on the 101 towards the Hollywood Bowl just coming out from a tunnel there's a hawk. It feels like a good omen.
I waffle about stopping for flowers, but there's a TJs close by. I manage to get a parking spot in front of the building and one of the employees is bringing out fresh flowers. I take a little while choosing, but decide on roses with pink accents, hydrangea, white and maroon lilies.
I arrive just after Abe. Robbie and Dad were given the downstairs bedroom, but getting to the bathroom was a little difficult and it wasn't as private so we moved them upstairs. The living room area with the red sofa became the salon. The bathroom and door to the basement were just off of that. Sue was getting her makeup and hair done.
My makeup and hair came next. Some hubbub about whether or not people should go ahead and get dressed. Moving the table out of the dining room and setting up video.
My Dad came and sat beside me while my hair was getting done and checked in with me again. He asked if I was ok and stayed with me a while. He told me he'd be there if I ever needed anything.
We chatted a little, then he got up. The news was on. At some point, Abe came in and put on Creedence Clearwater Revival because Dad had really liked listening to it in the car. The TV was turned off.
A decision to have all of my hair up, not just strands. I felt the makeup was too heavy but everyone said it was ok. The veil and feathers were put on.
The photographer arrives. I'm a little concerned that she seems more interested in small, inanimate, detail oriented things rather than capturing the people or the moment. This is the beginning of my frustration with her. My makeup is finished. I go to the kitchen and work on my bouquet. I throw together a sort of crude looking boutineer for Dad and Tom. I pinned it on Dad. He looked great. I could have given him Abe's second tie, but didn't.
Seeing Abe in his suit was quite a shocker. He also looked great. Fantastic. I was really pleased. Very handsome!!
Elizabeth arrives at 2:30 and we immediately go into the legal paperwork. She needs a witness. We choose Tom. Then my Mom texts (I send her a selfie in my veil) and she calls me. I decide to Facetime with her and invite them to look in on the legal proceedings. I had connected with her and with Sarah through their gifts - the golden hair berets and the hanky and also Nana and her pearls. These made me feel grounded and supported. And I was happy to have them look in.
Then Dad's face appears at the door (double doors with no curtains) and I open it and invite him to lie down and hang out. He's a little unsure of what's going on (also because I'm gesturing to the cell phone behind him of Mom and Tom) but seems happy enough to be with us. Everything gets signed, the fine print read by Elizabeth. I realize I could facetime Mom and Tom in for the actual ceremony and plans are made for that.
Next is our personal, private vows. I plug my phone in. I'm taken away for a moment by something else, maybe giving the rings to the photographer... then I need to pee. I'm not in my dress yet. Aleks helps me outside with it to a semi-private area where I put it on. She helps me zip it up. The shoes are miraculously comfortable.
Abe and I finally regroup and Elizabeth rings her bell, then thrice more since we were interrupted by the first. A hug. and a moment where I try to invite silence in, our foreheads together.
When we come back in it seems it is time but there are some final preparations - Abe has to go to his station, I need to call my parents and set up our FaceTime and also collect Dad to walk me in. All of this happens, not particularly gracefully, but it happens. The bell is rung. I lead Dad a bit. He hits his head on the low black metal chandelier and jokes about his height.
I'm crying before she gets through our poem and crying again by the end of the ring warming. The sincerity of my father, who says out loud his wish for all good things for us. And Sue, who endows them with her whole heart.
Abe is first to repeat after Elizabeth. It's very emotional. We both mean our words. The exchanging of the rings. Elizabeth does an outstanding job. We both are very present and our kiss is real.
I find out later during the afternoon Tom and Sue have a conversation with Dad about all the islands in Hawaii he and Robbie visited, the zip line they went on, and all sorts of details and how completely lucid he was when he told it. I was sorry to miss out on this conversation.
After the ceremony, it's all about the pictures, though my Dad and I both need to snack and I'm super thirsty. Abe moves the cars and we all take it outside in front of the garage door. I'm immediately frustrated with the photographer's style and handling of my Dad. I want to spend time with our family, not stand uncomfortably for portraits while my Dad gets more and more tired...
At some point I gave her a "serial killer" look lol.
By the time we came back in the house I was surprised Dad hadn't laid down for a nap yet. Apparently, Robbie had been struggling with him to nap. He hadn't wanted to go. I think he was afraid I would need him. Either that, or he didn't want to miss anything. I took him upstairs and got him to lay down. I told him we'd get him up for dinner. He seemed to accept that. He probably checked in with me again...
Robbie complaints. We went back and forth about dinner. I hadn't realized the restaurant we booked was so casual. I felt people wanted fancy so we made a new reservation at nick and something steakhouse downtown, which happened to be across the street and in the same building we parked at when we got our engagement photos taken.
Robbie went upstairs to get Dad up. He asked for me. This frustrated her. It was like she threw her hands up. I went upstairs and sat next to him and rubbed his back. I told him it was time for dinner. He was clearly still tired and hesitant to get up, but he didn't complain and I didn't need to cajole him. I pointed out the bathroom and told him we should probably try to go before getting in the car. It took a little while but I waited on the stairs and eventually he did.
We came downstsairs and piled into the car. When we got there it was chilly out. The restaurant was a little hard to find. I was a little shocked at the prices and worried about Robbie - she had insisted she would pay for our dinners. I was upset about it. I offered to share with them, but she eventually declined. She sort of argued with the waiter about how she wanted her steak cooked.
Dad turned to me at some point to ask me if I sometimes felt like I was walking and couldn't find or somehow missed the right door... He was confused and I think he lost the time. It was the biggest lapse I saw him have and it worried me, though I imagine he was just tired. I was tired too. It was only 7:30 but it felt like 10:30.
We get through the meal. The waiter is nice and funny. Dad cracks a few jokes. There's a funny moment with his fork. He asks Robbie where his fork is. She says it's in your left hand. He looks down, motions to his empty right hand. She says it's in your left hand. Then he moves the fork from his left to his right and motions that his left hand is empty. It was a joke, but it probably began with him actually not knowing where his fork was. He basically told me as much when I told him it was a good joke.
Abe and I have a slightly tense conversation by the dried meats about who the hell is going to pay for the meal.
It gets sorted. The meal, thankfully, ends. We head back to the car. I try to unfist us in a selfie. We did it!!
I get Dad and Robbie back home. It's a mercifully short drive. Robbie needs to pack so she asks us to watch more of the baking show. I turn it on, but bring a few balloons in for Dad and I to play with and we do. Abe arrives home and films us. He uses his arms and his legs. There is nothing handicapped about this man. He almost tames himself after a balloon bounces off my head, but of course it didn't hurt and the game gets picked up again. It's getting late.
We pick up the nerf gun again and he chases me around the kitchen island. He doesn't want to go to bed and I don't want him to either, but I also don't want the two of them to be miserable the next day so I support Robbie when she suggests he brush his teeth and lay down.
I help take his shoes off and pull the covers up over him as he straightens himself in bed. I kiss him goodnight. I love you. "I love you too." I'm so, so glad you came and got to be here. It means the world to me. Something to that effect was said several times over the course of the day.
It was hard to walk out of that room. Before I made it upstairs though, I heard him say "Goodnight Erin". Goodnight Dad.
12/28
A sad morning. I woke and got dressed. Already frustrated that Abe hadn't woken up. I promised to put breakfast on the table by 7:30 and he waited until 7:13 or 14 to rise. But he did go downstairs and cook and it was pretty much ready in time.
We left the house around 8. Abe helped pile everything into my car, which was parked out back. The drive was sad, but I tried to keep it peppy. Dad remembered our walk up to the Baldwin Hills scenic outlook and asked if that was what we passed on the way to the airport - and it was Baldwin Hills park so he was mostly right. It was good that he remembered.
Terminal 2. I was able to park and stand with them in line and make sure their bags were handled and they got in alright. I kept feeling an attitude from Robbie. I think she might be a little jealous, but it's ok. I hugged him and told him I loved and and he loves me back. It was hard to leave.
When I got home his glass of Arizona Mango, with its straw, was still on the table. The ice hadn't melted yet. The bedroom still smelled like him. I had to clean up for the imminent arrival of Abe's parents, but it was hard. I drank the last of what was in his cup. It tasted like the Hawaiian punch he used to drink.
We have dinner together. Tom and Sue feel like a whirlwind. It's hard to watch them talking to my Dad and I'm instantly frustrated. They want to have normal conversations. Sue talks a lot. My Dad struggles to respond sometimes and by dinner seems to have shut down a bit. This is not how I wanted my birthday to go and I'm getting sad. I didn't clean the bedroom at all for his parents' arrival. I rush to do that now. I have to grab things in a bag to take downstairs. The plan is for me to sleep on the blow-up mattress in my office. And it's my damn birthday and I could really use decent sleep. And his parents' arrival signals to me the beginning of the end of my time with my Dad. I'm having a hard time.
Dinner, which was not great, unfortunately, concludes with lit candles on my chocolate birthday cake. (Dad is still asking about the pumpkin pie we picked up at Ralph's the day before because it looked good to him). We all have slices. A very sweet birthday gift from Tom and Sue and a letter of welcome into the family. Their necklace looks almost exactly like Abe's. Sue dotes on her kids. I get envious.
Later we go to the couch and open gifts and stockings. Dad has trouble with one of the chocolate balls. Playing with the candy canes by putting them behind both ears like earrings. Fidget spinner.
I feel overwhelmed.
When Dad gets up there is a little chocolate left on our cream couch. I'm not bothered by it at all. This time with Dad is so much more important to me. Robbie says "he did that to MY couch as well" and I wanted to strangle her for that.
Robbie cranks the thermostat to 78. It feels like a million degrees in my room.
12/26/17
Dad wakes up and Robbie tries to put him back to bed (I'm across the hall and hear it). He wants to be awake for when I wake up. She tells him he's probably still tired but he resists. She promises she'll wake him up and it's only then that he agrees to go back to bed.
I wake up at 10:30 upset that Abe has neither woken me nor has he fed anyone. My dad has snacked on cheese and crackers. So I immediately, though I'm tired from crying myself to sleep and being angry and uncomfortable in a 90-degree room all night (I even turned off the alarm so I could crack the door) I have to cook for 6 people the moment I get up.
Dad helped me with the corned beef hash.
I decide without a doubt that we are not going to stay at the Airbnb for a bunch of reasons and articulate this to Robbie, who agrees.
A tense conversation on the front porch with Abe where I'm upset because THIS is why I needed him to stick up for me and not just give in to his parents' wants. I SAW THIS moment coming months ago but decided to compromise with him and was regretting it and angry. A call from Elizabeth which is tense.
Crying after Abe and his parents leave after Robbie says the trip is almost over and they'll never come again. Robbie falling off the blow-up mattress and making us both laugh. Dad comes in and the pain is lessened. I can move on. I tell Robbie it wasn't what she said so much as me not being ready for them to leave yet and feeling sad.
3:00 - Going outside for more corn hole and using the gun, blowing up balloons and playing with them. Facetime with Melissa. Watching a little British bakeoff before nap time.
Finding the EE Cummings poem while.
Snacking?
4:30 - We go to Baldwin Hills scenic overlook as the sun is setting and take some great pics. Walking towards the main path we see the crescent moon. He says "the half moon is out - where's the other half? Didn't know I was so deep, did you?" - he was joking. The walk was a little harder than in Venice as the ground was unven and it was chilly out. But the light was amazing. It was the perfect time to take pictures. The landscape was hazy, but it was still nice to be up so high. He joked about people on the trail. A nice person offered to take our picture together. Dad was surprised I'd offer up my phone to a stranger, lol. Some things never change.
But, he's happy. I know when he looks at me that he loves me and is happy to be with me.
We head back slowly. Abe and his parents are on their way back to the house to collect their things. We run into them almost on their way out.
We order pizza and I get mozzarella sticks (he used to like those when I was a kid). Robbie treats.
The pizza takes a little too long to arrive. Dad is tired. He didn't nap all day. Robbie is trying to pack. Dad and I watch a little more of the baking show. We all agree he should shower tonight in the upstairs shower because it fits two people more easily. They both walk upstairs to check it out. I sell it a little. Dad is tall, the shower head up here is high...
I bring them extra towels.
The food arrives. Robbie notes that it's not hot. We eat and it's fine. Dad likes the sticks. Robbie expects him to give her a hard time and starts to ramp up. She speaks to him like a child and that's part of the problem... But when I tell him I want him to be fresh as a daisy for the wedding tomorrow he gets up and goes immediately to the stairs. We weren't really prepared for him to acquiesce so easily. I give them privacy. No messing around in the shower now you two!!
Abe has dinner with his parents and checks them into the Airbnb. He gets back after Dad has already come downstairs from his shower in his pajamas.
Dad and I have a nerf gun fight in the kitchen before bedtime (he tends to want to horse around before bed). It winds him up a little but Robbie drags him in. He was flirting with her a little and I kidded him - no funny business in there you two!!! He responds with growling hilariously from within the bedroom. Super cute.
12/27
Abe makes breakfast while I shower. His good scrambled eggs (which I start to stir and he chastizes me over). The Herbs de Provence toast is used (doesn't go well with cherry jam lol).
A wanting to take it slow. The realization that I don't really need to get there until 11:30 and that Dad and Robbie could get there even a little later. My Dad finds me in the morning as I'm stepping out of the office (Robbie asked me to print their boarding passes). I give him a big hug and tell him I'm getting married today. He asks me if I'm upset. I say no, I'm happy. He says as long as we love each other. That's what is most important. It was the first of many instances during the day where he checked in with me and let me know he was there for me. I could feel that paternal advice and the comforting. And I told him we're happy and I think we'll be alright.
The dress made it over the previous evening, additional items are taken over including my suitcase and additional dress choices for dinner.
I leave first. Felt instant regret for choosing to let Abe drive my parents over. On the drive, going on the 101 towards the Hollywood Bowl just coming out from a tunnel there's a hawk. It feels like a good omen.
I waffle about stopping for flowers, but there's a TJs close by. I manage to get a parking spot in front of the building and one of the employees is bringing out fresh flowers. I take a little while choosing, but decide on roses with pink accents, hydrangea, white and maroon lilies.
I arrive just after Abe. Robbie and Dad were given the downstairs bedroom, but getting to the bathroom was a little difficult and it wasn't as private so we moved them upstairs. The living room area with the red sofa became the salon. The bathroom and door to the basement were just off of that. Sue was getting her makeup and hair done.
My makeup and hair came next. Some hubbub about whether or not people should go ahead and get dressed. Moving the table out of the dining room and setting up video.
My Dad came and sat beside me while my hair was getting done and checked in with me again. He asked if I was ok and stayed with me a while. He told me he'd be there if I ever needed anything.
We chatted a little, then he got up. The news was on. At some point, Abe came in and put on Creedence Clearwater Revival because Dad had really liked listening to it in the car. The TV was turned off.
A decision to have all of my hair up, not just strands. I felt the makeup was too heavy but everyone said it was ok. The veil and feathers were put on.
The photographer arrives. I'm a little concerned that she seems more interested in small, inanimate, detail oriented things rather than capturing the people or the moment. This is the beginning of my frustration with her. My makeup is finished. I go to the kitchen and work on my bouquet. I throw together a sort of crude looking boutineer for Dad and Tom. I pinned it on Dad. He looked great. I could have given him Abe's second tie, but didn't.
Seeing Abe in his suit was quite a shocker. He also looked great. Fantastic. I was really pleased. Very handsome!!
Elizabeth arrives at 2:30 and we immediately go into the legal paperwork. She needs a witness. We choose Tom. Then my Mom texts (I send her a selfie in my veil) and she calls me. I decide to Facetime with her and invite them to look in on the legal proceedings. I had connected with her and with Sarah through their gifts - the golden hair berets and the hanky and also Nana and her pearls. These made me feel grounded and supported. And I was happy to have them look in.
Then Dad's face appears at the door (double doors with no curtains) and I open it and invite him to lie down and hang out. He's a little unsure of what's going on (also because I'm gesturing to the cell phone behind him of Mom and Tom) but seems happy enough to be with us. Everything gets signed, the fine print read by Elizabeth. I realize I could facetime Mom and Tom in for the actual ceremony and plans are made for that.
Next is our personal, private vows. I plug my phone in. I'm taken away for a moment by something else, maybe giving the rings to the photographer... then I need to pee. I'm not in my dress yet. Aleks helps me outside with it to a semi-private area where I put it on. She helps me zip it up. The shoes are miraculously comfortable.
Abe and I finally regroup and Elizabeth rings her bell, then thrice more since we were interrupted by the first. A hug. and a moment where I try to invite silence in, our foreheads together.
When we come back in it seems it is time but there are some final preparations - Abe has to go to his station, I need to call my parents and set up our FaceTime and also collect Dad to walk me in. All of this happens, not particularly gracefully, but it happens. The bell is rung. I lead Dad a bit. He hits his head on the low black metal chandelier and jokes about his height.
I'm crying before she gets through our poem and crying again by the end of the ring warming. The sincerity of my father, who says out loud his wish for all good things for us. And Sue, who endows them with her whole heart.
Abe is first to repeat after Elizabeth. It's very emotional. We both mean our words. The exchanging of the rings. Elizabeth does an outstanding job. We both are very present and our kiss is real.
I find out later during the afternoon Tom and Sue have a conversation with Dad about all the islands in Hawaii he and Robbie visited, the zip line they went on, and all sorts of details and how completely lucid he was when he told it. I was sorry to miss out on this conversation.
After the ceremony, it's all about the pictures, though my Dad and I both need to snack and I'm super thirsty. Abe moves the cars and we all take it outside in front of the garage door. I'm immediately frustrated with the photographer's style and handling of my Dad. I want to spend time with our family, not stand uncomfortably for portraits while my Dad gets more and more tired...
At some point I gave her a "serial killer" look lol.
By the time we came back in the house I was surprised Dad hadn't laid down for a nap yet. Apparently, Robbie had been struggling with him to nap. He hadn't wanted to go. I think he was afraid I would need him. Either that, or he didn't want to miss anything. I took him upstairs and got him to lay down. I told him we'd get him up for dinner. He seemed to accept that. He probably checked in with me again...
Robbie complaints. We went back and forth about dinner. I hadn't realized the restaurant we booked was so casual. I felt people wanted fancy so we made a new reservation at nick and something steakhouse downtown, which happened to be across the street and in the same building we parked at when we got our engagement photos taken.
Robbie went upstairs to get Dad up. He asked for me. This frustrated her. It was like she threw her hands up. I went upstairs and sat next to him and rubbed his back. I told him it was time for dinner. He was clearly still tired and hesitant to get up, but he didn't complain and I didn't need to cajole him. I pointed out the bathroom and told him we should probably try to go before getting in the car. It took a little while but I waited on the stairs and eventually he did.
We came downstsairs and piled into the car. When we got there it was chilly out. The restaurant was a little hard to find. I was a little shocked at the prices and worried about Robbie - she had insisted she would pay for our dinners. I was upset about it. I offered to share with them, but she eventually declined. She sort of argued with the waiter about how she wanted her steak cooked.
Dad turned to me at some point to ask me if I sometimes felt like I was walking and couldn't find or somehow missed the right door... He was confused and I think he lost the time. It was the biggest lapse I saw him have and it worried me, though I imagine he was just tired. I was tired too. It was only 7:30 but it felt like 10:30.
We get through the meal. The waiter is nice and funny. Dad cracks a few jokes. There's a funny moment with his fork. He asks Robbie where his fork is. She says it's in your left hand. He looks down, motions to his empty right hand. She says it's in your left hand. Then he moves the fork from his left to his right and motions that his left hand is empty. It was a joke, but it probably began with him actually not knowing where his fork was. He basically told me as much when I told him it was a good joke.
Abe and I have a slightly tense conversation by the dried meats about who the hell is going to pay for the meal.
It gets sorted. The meal, thankfully, ends. We head back to the car. I try to unfist us in a selfie. We did it!!
I get Dad and Robbie back home. It's a mercifully short drive. Robbie needs to pack so she asks us to watch more of the baking show. I turn it on, but bring a few balloons in for Dad and I to play with and we do. Abe arrives home and films us. He uses his arms and his legs. There is nothing handicapped about this man. He almost tames himself after a balloon bounces off my head, but of course it didn't hurt and the game gets picked up again. It's getting late.
We pick up the nerf gun again and he chases me around the kitchen island. He doesn't want to go to bed and I don't want him to either, but I also don't want the two of them to be miserable the next day so I support Robbie when she suggests he brush his teeth and lay down.
I help take his shoes off and pull the covers up over him as he straightens himself in bed. I kiss him goodnight. I love you. "I love you too." I'm so, so glad you came and got to be here. It means the world to me. Something to that effect was said several times over the course of the day.
It was hard to walk out of that room. Before I made it upstairs though, I heard him say "Goodnight Erin". Goodnight Dad.
12/28
A sad morning. I woke and got dressed. Already frustrated that Abe hadn't woken up. I promised to put breakfast on the table by 7:30 and he waited until 7:13 or 14 to rise. But he did go downstairs and cook and it was pretty much ready in time.
We left the house around 8. Abe helped pile everything into my car, which was parked out back. The drive was sad, but I tried to keep it peppy. Dad remembered our walk up to the Baldwin Hills scenic outlook and asked if that was what we passed on the way to the airport - and it was Baldwin Hills park so he was mostly right. It was good that he remembered.
Terminal 2. I was able to park and stand with them in line and make sure their bags were handled and they got in alright. I kept feeling an attitude from Robbie. I think she might be a little jealous, but it's ok. I hugged him and told him I loved and and he loves me back. It was hard to leave.
When I got home his glass of Arizona Mango, with its straw, was still on the table. The ice hadn't melted yet. The bedroom still smelled like him. I had to clean up for the imminent arrival of Abe's parents, but it was hard. I drank the last of what was in his cup. It tasted like the Hawaiian punch he used to drink.
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