You bring up a few really good points here:
Compulsion isn't the same as dicipline.
This is something to really think about. Especially when it comes to habits. If you are doing something compulsively, even if it's a "good" thing, it has limited benefit for you because you are or have become at some point, a slave to it. It ceases to be a choice you made in other words. No real discipline. This happened with me and meditation. Once it became habitual it began to lose it's real meaning and purpose for me. I fight with this all the time. It's still healthy for me. It still works for me, but I have to constantly remind myself why I started doing it in the first place.
Chaos and impulsivity are not the same thing as sponteneity.
I used to really want to be spontaneous. People who were spontaneous seemed so keyed in to the moment. Whereas I was always stuck in my head, thinking about the past or the future. What I came to realize is that people who are truly spontaneous (not just carefree and impulsive) were people who had knowledge. They knew what needed to be done at that particular moment. They knew what the moment demanded and were able to respond. On the outside it looks erratic almost. Random. A person following their whim. But I don't think this is the case. It's not a matter of doing whatever comes to mind rather, doing what is right that particular moment and situation in time. The only problem is, how do you know what's right and appropriate moment to moment? And how do I come to know?
I refuse to start the change process where I am.
I NEED TO HAVE this evening. I NEED to sit in my chair and relax, feeling like my house in order.
It's funny how in some ways we know completely what needs to be done. We know what is wrong with us. We know. Get a person drunk enough and they'll confess. I've seen this. We know our weaknesses to some extent, yet we're so ineffective when it comes to self-medicating. Why does it seem impossible for us to create change in ourselves?
Of course I have answers to all these questions :) and a poem:
Deep down
we all know
what is there
and what is not.
It wouldn't be so obvious
on the outside
if we weren't always trying to cover it up
make it what it's not
Fingers self-consciously
tugging down the hem of a skirt
move to absolve the legs
of their imperfections.
Compulsion isn't the same as dicipline.
This is something to really think about. Especially when it comes to habits. If you are doing something compulsively, even if it's a "good" thing, it has limited benefit for you because you are or have become at some point, a slave to it. It ceases to be a choice you made in other words. No real discipline. This happened with me and meditation. Once it became habitual it began to lose it's real meaning and purpose for me. I fight with this all the time. It's still healthy for me. It still works for me, but I have to constantly remind myself why I started doing it in the first place.
Chaos and impulsivity are not the same thing as sponteneity.
I used to really want to be spontaneous. People who were spontaneous seemed so keyed in to the moment. Whereas I was always stuck in my head, thinking about the past or the future. What I came to realize is that people who are truly spontaneous (not just carefree and impulsive) were people who had knowledge. They knew what needed to be done at that particular moment. They knew what the moment demanded and were able to respond. On the outside it looks erratic almost. Random. A person following their whim. But I don't think this is the case. It's not a matter of doing whatever comes to mind rather, doing what is right that particular moment and situation in time. The only problem is, how do you know what's right and appropriate moment to moment? And how do I come to know?
I refuse to start the change process where I am.
I NEED TO HAVE this evening. I NEED to sit in my chair and relax, feeling like my house in order.
It's funny how in some ways we know completely what needs to be done. We know what is wrong with us. We know. Get a person drunk enough and they'll confess. I've seen this. We know our weaknesses to some extent, yet we're so ineffective when it comes to self-medicating. Why does it seem impossible for us to create change in ourselves?
Of course I have answers to all these questions :) and a poem:
Deep down
we all know
what is there
and what is not.
It wouldn't be so obvious
on the outside
if we weren't always trying to cover it up
make it what it's not
Fingers self-consciously
tugging down the hem of a skirt
move to absolve the legs
of their imperfections.
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